Courage in short supply, I sneak peeks at what is real, Endings, emptiness, something gone, and when gone, a space appears, open for my own timid gaze.
Cowardly cosmonaut, I squint my eyes, turn every which way, try to recapture what was familiar and dear, all to no avail.
For a moment or so, fleeting grace of simply beholding the open space, knowing it is harbinger of the new, tempting me to let go of what has already ended.
During those small moments I feel wonder and curiosity. Alas, only small moments, amid a sea of clinging and grasping.
Oh, to be brave And jump right in! Like kamikaze cosmonaut, Glamour adventuress, Heroine of the unknown!
I performed an informal experiment in Auld Manhattoe, Oh, it was around a decade or so ago, maybe even longer. I wanted to see how many Big Apple Fashionistas Wore colored shoes -- not brown or black, or even red, But green, or blue, or pink, etc.
And it was hard going, I don't recall seeing any woman wearing colored shoes.
Metropolitan black, that was the fashion of the day for so many years, even in the summer.
Such style, the hip New York woman had a look all her own, easily identifiable, from the Upper East Side to the Village. From tailored designer duds to Avante garde self made fashions, Color was for the provincials, And Metropolitans wore black.
Then came the weird summer of 2002, When color exploded in Auld Manhattoe like stealth bombs. Not just colored shoes, but extreme coordination like girls playing dolls.
Everything matched, handbags, shoes, skirts, blouses, jewelry, cosmetics, like a wild blooming garden, wildflower women, mad compensation for all those years of monochrome modalities.
And then there was the summer of 2004, when sequinned handbags and skirts embroidered with tiny flashing mirrors, or flouncy white petticoats, transformed Auld Manhattoe subways into strange gypsy caravans.
And now, oh seems we're back in 1950s kodachrome kitchens, full skirts, patent leather heels, so high that women totter, giant handbags the size of suitcases, textures from lace to silk, in gorgeous colors and patterns, ballet flats, skirts with fake petticoats, and cheap Nine West espadrilles.
No hats, though, which I find strange, due to dangers of the millennial sun, though sometimes, in Astoria, I see ladies walking in the hot sun with umbrellas, and it makes me think parasols might one day come back in style.
He said: to transcend all fear of the true meaning, that is the only patience. Vast guidebook in a few short words. Difficult endeavor for the fearful. All my desires, wishes, all mymad plans, schemes, useless. Subjective, objective, the panoramic view, ah, Imagine! Seeing each and every momententire, in all itsblazing glory. Imagine! The view above, below, from all sides, inside, outside. Imagine! All the ways this very moment is experienced by each living creature. Imagine! Something real, not real, there, not there, Imagine! gazing, unfraid, into the unknowable.
